Ethical dilemma

If you have been reading for the last couple of days you know that i have been writing about dilemmas & it has been all fun & games, but with a seriously twisted angle. So now let´s look at a more serious dilemma. Another dilemma where it´s not all black & white. In Denmark where I live it is illegal to pay a woman to be a surrogatmother & I know that a lot of my dear readers are American where it is legal to pay a woman to be a surrogatmother. In Denmark you can get medical help if you have trouble concieving a child, but as we all know it is not possible for everyone to get pregnant & sometimes it´s unfortunately not possible to stay pregnant. Then you can adopt, but some people has a huge desire to have their own biological child. I have absolutely no idea what that feels like so I am not judging anybody. But the thing is that some Danish couples go to other countries fx India & China where they pay a poor woman to have their child. So the dilemma of the day: Is it okay to go to another country & pay a person in need to have your baby when it´s not even legal in their own country? Is it unethic to pay a person that is desperate to feed her own family or is it helping another person in need & getting something back as well? Is it okay to put a person in need through this physical & emotional rollercoaster & not to forget it´s not exactly socially accepted in some countries to give birth to other peoples children. Are we talking modern slavery? What do you think about this dilemma? Should the Danish couples just accept that they can´t have an biological child? Should it be their right to get a biological child? Why isn´t it fulfilling to them to adopt a child when there are so many orphans out there? Let me know your thoughts. What would you do?

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10 thoughts on “Ethical dilemma

  1. Vieri says:

    Illegal does not mean unethical. Sometimes legislators are behind the schedule. To pay another person for having your baby benefits both the payer and the payee. Especially the payee. It takes very little imagination to put ourselves for a second in the shoes of somebody who struggles all his/her life for having one meal every other day, let alone feeding his/her children or even growing as a person. No, it’s not modern or ancient slavery at all. Danish couples take the chance as many other people who go somewhere else to do things that are forbidden in their countries. Ethics and morality are very subjective. Something “socially not accepted” or even “illegal” in one spot does not mean it’s likewise in other cultures. The only important aspect here is the child, who’ll be the man or woman of tomorrow”s world. Whoever is the father or mother, and by whatever mean he/she comes to this world, he/she has he right to be educated, loved, cherished and protected. As long as Danish couples and everyone else cover these needs, they’re very welcome to go and have their own babies wherever they want. By these means they fulfill their purpose and especially, they make a huge difference in somebody else’s life.

  2. If all parties are willing and nobody is coerced, I think it’s perfectly ethical – especially if the infertile couple is giving the surrogate family a much-needed nest egg. But I’m American…

  3. For me it’s unhetic and as difficult as it is, we have to accept sometimes that we can’t have a child, we can’t have a boy, he can’t have blue eyes and blond hair and so on.
    A child is a child? What do people want children for? To play like dolls? To be a little them? To prove that they can do it? A child is a child, so if you really want one and can’t do it (or even if you can), adopt!

    • monicaali says:

      I tend to agree with Miss Ayo Délé. I knew before I had my children, that I would adopt if I had trouble having children. But it is hard with ethical dilemmas as it´s not all black & white. But I am also the kind of person that don´t think it´s okay that children work for food instead of going to school. I know that they would be a burden at home, but I strongly believe in education & I don´t want to support children being little slaves that can´t play & be kids. The same way I don´t think it´s okay to use a poor person to carry your child & give birth to it. The women who do this would never in a million years do it if money were not involved, because it´s not a walk in the park being pregnant, giving birth & handing the baby over after carrying it. & don´t get me started on all the things many women go through after birth. I think surrogate pregnancy it is too far to go to get your own biological child.

  4. StyleJumble says:

    I think it’s only unethical when it is done against someone’s will. Let’s say a poor woman in India does is it not because she wants to bear someone else’s child but because she needs the money to survive – and how many women around the world could end up in that position? Therefore I think it’s sad that it’s illigal to pay someone in Denmark to do it, it would help prohibit Danish couples from going to other countries to find a surrogat mother if it in fact was legal.
    But I defenitely agree with Miss Ayo Délé – a child is a child! Adoption is a great and wonderful option, and if I was to have children someday, I would be happy to adopt. Without a doubt!
    But I think adoption is far more expensive in Denmark than for example in vitro, am I wrong?

  5. IMHO – it boils down to ‘why do you desperately want a child?’ Just like Ms Ayo has nailed it.
    There must be meaning and purpose. A child is not a play thing or a five minute thing.
    They are not ours to own, they will be on their own to contribute to society.
    It is our job to nurture them responsibly.
    I am going on 36 and still without children.
    If we cannot bear my own, we would adopt instead of surrogate.

    • monicaali says:

      I do agree. Good luck though whether you adopt or have biological ones: ) In my neighborhood there are a lot of adopted children from all over the world. I think it contributes to a more openminded & global society-so I really like it.

  6. Leslie says:

    I don’t think it’s unethical, I think whatever decision is made, it should made from the heart and with the right intentions. If the other person is honestly willing to help another have a baby and will carry that child for them, then there’s nothing wrong with that. They need to make certain that an agreement is made that once the child is born, the child goes the parents who are paying the surrogate mom. What a beautiful act of love!

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